Dick Butt asks…

November 16, 2015

“So both of my parents became fucking lunatics lately and I’m getting as mad as a frog in a sock, with otherwise careless and shit-for-brains people who do fuck all except annoy the living shit out of me. What would you do?”

Sweary Bear says:

What would I do, Dick? Let’s see. If I found myself in the unique and terrifying position of having crazy parents, and I got so angry that I was driven to misuse a treasured Australian idiomatic simile, I would write a quick note on the blog of someone pretending to be a fucking bear. You’ve done the right thing, Dick.

Kieran asks…

September 8, 2015

“what the fuck do you fuckin’ do when both the fuckin’ world and the fuckin’ internet conspire the fuck against you? Would taking a fuckin’ shit it the fuckin’ woods fuckin’ help?”

Sweary Bear says:

Usually I just say “fuck” a lot.

“fuck you” asks…

April 9, 2015

“something is fucking wrong with me what is it sweary bear”

 

Sweary Bear says:

Let me explain how this thing works. You tell me your problem, and I try to help. It’s not a fucking guessing game where you tell me something’s wrong with you (which is pretty fucking obvious, since you’re asking a fucking bear on the fucking internet, you dipshit) and I speculate wildly about the shitty problems of a fucking stranger I’ve never even fucking met. If I wanted to speculate wildly about the shitty problems of a fucking stranger I’ve never even fucking met, I’d open a fucking remote reiki healing business and tell you your purple chakra is fucked up or some shit like that.

Having said that, I will take a stab and say that your problem is a complete lack of punctuation, syntax and majuscule characters. And if you don’t know what majuscule characters are, they look a bit like this:

YOU’RE FUCKING WELCOME, WHINEY PANTS.