Sweary Bear’s Guide to Hanging Shit on People

February 17, 2012

DEAR INTERNET: MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS BEING SUPPRESSED!

Oh, fuck off.

If you have the freedom to whine like a fucking toddler with a soiled nappy via a blog post, newspaper column, radio show or speaking tour, then your idea of freedom is fucked up.

For starters, Australians have no explicit right to freedom of speech. But we’re lucky enough to have the convention of free speech, with a shitload of other rights and privileges that prop it up. That’s why you’re allowed to sit around your house in the nude drinking imported gin and tweeting about why you think the government is running the country like a bunch of childish, self-serving pricks; or the shape-shifting reptilian royal family is plotting to inject humankind with mind-control chips, or the only way to get to heaven is to be very cross about abortion.

There are some things you’re not allowed to do, of course. And some of those things are even more important than being free to hang shit on whoever the fuck you like. It might surprise some people to learn that the actual rights of other people trump their imaginary right to spray chunks of hate-filled word-turds over an audience of mouth-breathing, russet-nosed sycophants.

Like gay people’s right to not be driven to suicide because they’re convinced by the people they look up to that they’re some kind of fucking abomination.

Like indigenous people’s right to identify themselves as Aboriginal, despite the relative light-absorbing qualities of their fucking epidermis.

Like the right of everyone to believe whatever the fuck they want, whether it’s in Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Mother Nature, the Lost Tribe of Shabazz or the Flying Fucking Spaghetti Monster without having some righteous knob-end tell you that their set of rules shits on your set of rules.

Like the right of anyone to disagree with what you say without you pissing and moaning about your rights being abused and calling in some fucking lawyerly type with a schmancy letterhead clutching the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

 

There. I’ve exercised my non-explicit freedom of speech. I need a fucking cup of tea.

 

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4 Responses to “Sweary Bear’s Guide to Hanging Shit on People”

  1. Mantis Prawn said

    You mean light-reflecting qualities. Assuming you’re referring to Bolt’s sway-backed hobbyhorse there. Dark surfaces absorb light.

  2. Paul said

    This is a shit site.

  3. Corey said

    Couldn’t sum it up any better, brilliant post 🙂

  4. Dale said

    After just reading that someone was sueing Twitter because someone was mean to them, this was perfect.

    Thank you Sweary Bear.

Go on then. Have a go.

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