Not News.

November 25, 2011

The scene: a funeral. Dozens of grief-stricken friends and relatives stream into a local church, wearing the ashen, drawn faces of disbelief that accompany the loss of someone so young, so quickly, under such tragic circumstances. In their midst, a lone reporter and his cameraman, stoic in the face of their monumental task, standing like a beacon in a sea of despair, letting the waves of mourners wash over them. They are keenly aware that all those years of training, of dreaming, of late nights fuelled only by ambition and the desire to inform the faceless masses have brought them to this moment – the moment that they can tell the world that THERE ARE SAD PEOPLE AT FUNERALS.

This, according to some overworked editor with a looming deadline and no fucking imagination, is news.

A dozen people dying at the hands of an arsonist is news.
Sad people standing around coffins while being sad is not.

A missing child is news.
The parents of a missing child having to open their fucking front door to some dipshit who wants to report that they’re “devastated” is not.

A neo-Nazi arsehole going apeshit with a semi-automatic rifle in a crowded office is news.
A wide shot of the roof of a car which may or may not be transporting a neo-Nazi arsehole to prison is not.

Winning an Olympic gold medal is news.
Pushing a microphone into the face of a panting, blue-lipped elite athlete who has sacrificed family time, a decent income, butter and a great deal of fucking knee cartilage to win a gold medal so that they can tell the audience that it feels “pretty good” is not.

So, news editors, if you’re stuck for a story that your audience might actually consider worth fucking knowing, there are a bunch of people starving and unable to grow crops in east Africa right now. They have some really cute kids and their lack of education makes for some fucking quirky sound bites. Go for it.

3 Responses to “Not News.”

  1. PirateRed_Beard said

    And simply repeating the same stuff as the other dozen journos around you ad-infinitum is not news.

    If someone else beats you to the story, I do believe that’s called a scoop and you’ve missed out, go find something else.

    Endless, mindless coverage of sombodies tragedy does not serve any purpose. I think we know the survivors are going to be upset.

    News is just that, new. Yesterdays news is fish and chip wrappers.


  2. Freddie Frackshat said

    I think your articles would be better if you stopped swearing.

Go on then. Have a go.

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